SELF-ish Series | Writing the Rules of Self-Love


You can measure the impeccability of your word by your level of self-love. How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself are directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word.
— Don Miguel Ruiz | The Four Agreements

Writing the Rules of Self-Love

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I tickled myself with the notion of self-love in the latter part of 2018.
But this year, it’s going to be a real thing. Front and center. Epic selfishness at it’s most, so that I can be my best for myself and for the people I surround myself with.

At last years’ end, my coach challenged me to write a book in 2019 - a Tumi at 35 of sorts- to 1) help raise me out from this rubble most call a creative rut, by providing an outlet; 2) to develop a strong sense of the things that are important to have (or not have) in my life, such as the people, the environments; and 3) to develop what it means for me to speak my authentic truth, in a way that is meaningful and relatable. I decided the pages of this book I am committing to write will be published right here through this concept of my SELF-ish series. And If you are an introvert like me, you know this is no mean feat.

Self-Love is the underlying piece to all of this and i am learning I have to define it for myself. Especially during a time when we are experiencing a boom in women occupying the entrepreneurial space, seeking success in and out of corporate spaces, at home with our families and friends, while quite often chipping away at our own mental health. Because, goals right? No.

No goal is worth sacrificing your own mental peace. What is success without peace of mind and good health?

So, here it is. My imperfect definition of this thing they call…

self-love

/ˈˌself ˈləv/
noun

Creating space to connect with my own self, selfishly, deliberately.
Honoring the presence of time, air and my senses in a way that makes me fully present.
Protecting my energy.

As an introvert, energy and space is important to me.
I view energy like money in the bank account. How much of it do I have at this moment? How much do I want to spend and how? Does the return outweigh the investment? Am I okay with whatever that answer is?
I hate high-energy situations. Clubs, networking and whiny individuals who love nothing more than the sound of their own voice. I avoid these like the plague. But when I have to insert myself into these scenarios, I have started to check myself beforehand and ask “how much energy dollars am i going to expend on this situation? Can I afford it?” If yes, I commit. All in. I play the game if necessary. If no, I take a breath, do not proceed and own that decision. Who wants to get landed with a sky-high energy bill at the end of it with insufficient dollars in the bank? Think of it like this. It’s just like outwardly expressing something outside of your authentic self to match the version of you others hold you to.
There is no healthy return on such an expense of energy.

Give them the real you and keep the change.

And so it begins. A journey of self-discovery, self-improvement and self-reflection.
My goal is to learn to carve time from the space I create, to celebrate my SELF-ish wins throughout the year, rather than only the 31st December. I will be creating a list of all the moments I was deliberately selfish in 2019 as my yardstick to measure the quality of this thing I have defined as Self-Love.

From here on.

TS